Life is good. I still don’t have it figured out

 

I listen to my feelings. It’s a practice I began many years ago. They speak to me. They don’t always tell me the truth but they let me know that somethings wrong and that I need to dig deeper and find the root cause. I was exhausted and it was leading to daydreams of heading to the mountains and resting.

 

I thought I already had a pretty good system in place. Rhythms of rest and routine. Plus I was doing things I love! What’s the problem? Well it wasn’t enough at a place like Adventures.

 

For starters Adventures is fast-paced and a lot of fun. Unfortunately, my instinct in life is to speed up. The more interesting and exciting the faster I go. You wouldn’t know it because of how often I advocate for rituals and reflection. But being here is reminding me that those things do not come naturally. They are habits I cultivated intentionally over the years, but they require discipline. I’m realizing that’s why my inner circle are all people who are low-key and quiet. They keep me sane. I gravitate toward their peacefulness. Even the pace of their speech slows me down.

 

Then there’s the fact that I love people. I truly believe that each person is a masterpiece, crafted by God and a treasure to uncover. Well putting me at Adventures Headquarters, with 150 staff and 40 interns all these months has been like sticking a kid in a candy store. If I could I would sit with them for hours and take in everything about them.  I did try to control myself, but apparently it still wasn’t enough.

 

It’s a new world of experimenting my way forward, when my instinct is to do exhaustive research first. When trying to take a stab at something, I have trouble deciding on the parameters. Meanwhile having a deep impulse for this project to be good so I’ve been trying to be holistic, thorough and fast. Well that so far has been a bit of a disaster. In the meantime I’m finding out how to balance the priorities. 

 

I’ve also been struggling greatly with my desire to love people well from home. These people I did life with for so long.  I had a full life there! I still have an incredible amount of love for them and I constantly want to do more to stay connected. I’m learning to believe that a little does actually go a long way.

 

Along this journey, I’m drawing a lot on God and the things he’s taught me from the past. Mainly about self-compassion and about how it takes time to get used to change. Even when it’s good change. There’s much to figure out when it comes to learning how my new world works. 

 

These past few weeks have been much better as I began exerting even more discipline on myself again to make sure to slow down and take time to savor the moment.