For many years, I struggled to believe.  It's one thing to believe in God. It's another to trust Him.  I knew the difference, but didn't know how to process the gap between what the Lord said in Scripture and what I experienced in my life with Him. 

I looked out into the world and there were stories, RIDICULOUS stories.  After awhile I realized the ones that caused deep hunger to stir in me were the ways God revealed Himself personally to His people.  I struggled with the hunger, because I didn't know if it would ever be filled, if it would ever happen for me.  I secretly wondered with envy why God never did things like that for me? These testimonies instead of giving me hope made me wonder if I was doing something wrong, or if there was more to be doing

Recently I asked some of these people- the ones who were always hearing the voice of God and seeing the hand of God. The answer was simple. There is one thing you have to do. It is to Believe. Believe like a child. Believe that those things of God are for you too. Hear the testimonies as ways God wants to activate your faith.   Then when you sense a leading go out and do some things,  in confidence that He'll teach you His ways and grow your ability to follow His leading. Walk out the process of trial and error and most importantly don't let discouragement cause you to give up. 

Feed your faith with the Word of God.  They are for YOU. As you do, God is then faithful to respond to faith. In Scripture people are healed because of their faith.  They were healed because they believed God. Read the Words that talk about who you are.   And really think about it. What that means for you. What the incredible implications are. I get it - it's too good to be true.  BUT IT IS TRUE!

Recently, I've gone back, read and dwelled on the words.  The ones that seem impossible, unfathomable, that there's no possible way they can be true and said back to the Lord, I believe these. I believe these for myself. And in just the last two weeks, I've already seen an increase in my experiences of Him. The more incredible the statement, the more I sit with it and mull it over in my heard and mind. 

I'm starting to understand that those who taste and experience the fullness of the Kingdom are those who cling to the truths of God. Even when everything in life tells you they are false. Even when the doctors give bad news, or your balance sheet looks depressing, or your history with God is littered with disappointments. In those times don't give up! I've had many seasons where I gave up. I resigned myself and thought, this is as much of the Kingdom as I'm going to get and I should just be grateful.  

But out of those times I would sense God leading me to process the ways I've felt let down by Him. Then led to go through my personal history remembering the times He's been faithful. And I understand at last that the issue was always that I didn't quite believe these things for myself. 

So...Lift up your eyes and remember Who your God is. The one who acts on behalf of those who wait on Him. Discipline your mind. Feed your Faith and not your Fear. Find ways to feed the part of you that wants to believe but can't quite do it. And ask Him for help. And He will.